scanxiety with no scan?

Even more changes this week.  My job was a bust and didn't happen, but we found a new home so we'll all be together again under one roof.  Some things just happen for a reason I guess.  At least that is what I keep telling myself.  I contacted Duke about Zach's December visit and was informed they are not doing a scan this time.  To say I was thrown for a loop isn't correct - I was blindsided by this new information and not entirely happy with it. 

To a parent of a cancer kid, scans are not your best days by any means, but the scan itself represents something solid that I can see for myself that the cancer is still gone.  Blood work and urine tests just aren't enough for me...I've got to have proof I can see.  On the flip side of that, Zach doesn't have to fast and drink any nasty contrast or have any IV's this time.  I'm really happy not to have to deal with all that crap, but I still want something concrete to prove to me that this stupid crap is still gone and my baby is good to go.  I know I'm a hot mess right now, but it is what it is.  I'm working through my fears and trying to do what is best for Zach.  

Not having another CT scan is good for Zach - it means no radiation, no hunger, no IV pokes, no throwing up after meds, not such a sucky day at Duke - you get the picture.  It also means that Zach is far enough out from his treatment plan that he only needs another scan next June and then none for the rest of his life.  I can't even wrap my brain around this concept of not having this routine anymore, as abnormal as a routine it was, it was still our routine...weird.  So I've struck a deal with our oncology team that we'll continue to do urine tests, blood work and a physical exam when at Duke, but no scans until June 2011 and then no more ever unless there is reason.  The urine is a huge deal for Zach since that test alone is better than looking at his bloodwork.  Duke sends his pee cup to the Mayo Clinic for testing and as longs as it is within the normal range, we're good to go - no neuroblastoma. 

Finding all this information out so close to Thanksgiving has made me really think more than normal.  So this year I'm thankful for many things, but above all, I'm thankful to have a happy and healthy boy on my hands along with an awesome husband and great family.  Happy Thanksgiving ya'll!